Political BS: Obama '08

Attention Barack (or Barry…whatever your pals call you):

You have my vote.

No need to worry – I will not support flip-flop Johnny and the moron.

You won me – I am an official Obama/Biden supporter.

I even contributed money to your campaign.

Yes sir – I have a t-shirt and more stickers than I know what to do with (I put one on my file cabinet, two on my stereo, gave my brother Ethan around 10, have no idea what to do with the remaining 37 - should I throw them on neighboring trees?).

Fuck, I even gave money to moveon.org. Got another Obama shirt out of that – one that looks better, and fits better, than the one I got from the official DNC/Obama site.

I hope for victory.

With that said: please stop emailing me. PLEASE.

I have gotten emails that say they are from you, your wife Michelle, or your VP running mate Joe Biden, begging for further donations.

I just got one from your wife:

"This is it.

Millions of people are counting on Barack and Joe -- and you -- to bring the change this country needs."

Me?

"It all comes down to midnight tonight when we make the last, tough choices about where we can fight -- and how hard.

Please take a minute and think about what's at stake in this election. Your support can help strengthen our team for the final push."

Shit, I gave you money already – I have two t-shirts and a bundle of stickers as receipt. And I swear there have been at least 10 deadlines already from you cats.

"Will you make a donation of $25 or more before the midnight deadline?

There's never been a more important time to support this movement for change.

The future of our country -- and our children -- depends on what we do right now.

You can help bring the change we need.

Please make a donation of $25 or more before tonight's deadline."

Whose children? My children? Do you know something that I am not being told? Did several condoms, in fact, fail? Am I a daddy?

I have given money several times already – and you have more money than any candidate EVER. You really need more moolah from me?

I mean, you must realize that the economy is in the toilet for little ol’ me, right?

Wait.

Barack himself has now emailed me:

"Will you please make a donation of $25 or more before the deadline?

Change never comes without a fight. And the status quo is not going to go quietly.

The McCain campaign and the RNC have been stepping up their hateful "robocalls" and attack mailings -- they're throwing the kitchen sink of false, negative attacks.

The margins of victory in crucial battleground states will be small. And your support today can make all the difference.

We can't risk coming up short. The stakes are just too high.

Your donation of $25 or more will have a bigger impact now than at any other time."

Than any other time? Really?

I think my $25 might have had a bigger impact when it paid for 1/8 of a gorgeous Brighton Beach stripper’s rent.

Barry – you and the DNC have more money than Jesus at this point. Leave me alone! The economy sucks – I have given enough.

And by the way, the Kerry ’04 shirt I have is a better fit than yours. Talk to John Kerry’s people – your manufacturer of shirts is the shits.

With all that said, you still have my vote. Go get those fuckers~!

One last note - to moveon.org:

I support you too – but chill on the emails…..please.

I am not going to watch a debate, or anything, at some crazy’s house in the Five Towns. You have my money – now, fuck off! No more invites to be around people who are much more sober than I wish to be at election time.

Go Obama/Biden~! But leave my inbox alone, you cocks.

And remember, the economy sucks – so you will get no more money from me!

I hate McCain and the milf, but they never fucked with my inbox, so please back the fuck up!

Best,

Brian